A new season and the next chapter
It has been a long while since I sat at my desk and felt able to write anything worth while. Especially with the idea of putting my thoughts and feelings back out into the world.
So I begin with these powerful words from Krista at ‘A life in progress’ who, like me is also on a mission to support and empower women.
“You are valuable. Your wisdom, experience, story - they are valuable. If you’re in the midst of a life transition and feel a bit wobbly or unsure about what’s next, this doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Your simply at a crossroad. Gather in your support system, clarify your values, give yourself permission to dream again, to re-imagine life in this new season. You’ll find your way”
These words really resonated with me as I am emerging from some darker days, as not only have we been through a really long and wet Winter here in the UK, there has also been more loss and grief in our lives.
Last October my father in law died and then a week later my beloved 14 year old dog Willow had to be put to sleep. It was traumatic as I was on my own that morning, my husband was with his mum and sister sorting out funeral arrangements. A lovely friend did come to my ‘rescue’ and for that I will be forever grateful. She was calm, very practical and made that awful phone call to our local vet. I can still feel that horrendous grey lump gathering in my chest as I type that, and hot tears spring to my eyes. However I catch myself, I remember how lucky I am to have had Willow by my side for 14 years. A four legged guardian angel that walked beside me every day. Here she is with my father in law in a lovely moment, captured exactly a year before we lost them both.
After my dad died I felt that I really lost my way with my work - I had very little to give emotionally and all of my creativity simply evaporated - it has taken me these last two years to be able to find my way again.
The loss of my father in law and then my dog the following week was almost too much to bear. However grief was not as shocking when it arrived this time around, as I am now familiar with it’s patterns and pain. It was instead a horribly familiar and most unwelcome companion to have through the long dark Winter days.
Here we are though and Spring is now arriving and everything is coming back to life.
I am so happy to be getting back into my creative flow. I feel at last that I can paint, write and embrace the joy that colour brings me, get back to doing the things that make me smile.
This means I am healing and moving forward and that lifts my heart and helps to get my energy back up.
I am very grateful that I have been through this period of reflection and transition. As despite having had all of this new work in my head for a few years now, I did not know how to bring everything together or how to shape it.
I realise now that I have been given this time and space for a reason - and as a result these last few weeks I have been re-branding, updating, changing - I too have been transforming. I have been busy bringing together all of my knowledge and many of the things that I love which I am now ready to share in the form of new workshops and retreats, I have also starting writing my book.
“You’re a work in progress.
But you mustn’t wait, or apologise for who you are now.
You’re exactly who you are meant to be, today.
Let those you love see you in all your unfinished glory”
Donna Ashworth ‘You’re a work in progress’
I am now able to begin again and for this is am very excited and also a bit nervous. Comparisonitus and doubt do tend to ‘creep’ back in and whisper to me with their unhelpful comments, and so it is with a firm hand I have to metaphorically shut them out and instead usher in the lighter and more positive thoughts.
New chapters are challenging, and I have been shaped by loss and grief and I am not who I was before.
Of course I have the obvious external things going on such as more grey hair, more lines and wrinkles. I find that it takes far more effort to stay in shape and much more dedication and hard work to be fit and strong. However, I am now focusing on what I have MORE of at this time in my life. For me this is more compassion and a much deeper understanding of what is means to lose those we love and how this shapes and changes us. How it is to move from one phase of our lives to the next, working out what to take, and what to leave behind.
The result is that I am far better resourced and equipped than I was before. I can stand in this new place with a totally different perspective.
With more strength, resilience, knowledge and wisdom than before, I am looking forward to holding space and supporting women who are looking for positive change.
I have new courses to offer and a lovely new venue from which to work here in North Norfolk, surrounded by nature and the big open fields and skies The Nest
I am also offering weekly women’s circles starting in June. These have been inspired partly by where I now find myself emotionally and also as a result of completing a really interesting course last year. You can find out all about that here Sister Stories
Gemma, the founder of Sister Stories says of circle: “When we gather in circle, we cross a threshold from social space to a very different kind of space. Circle space. A space where we can leave our social norms at the door; allow the mask to slip and enter a different way of being”
I am also able to make new commitments and my business has evolved and grown with me.
So it is my mission to grow a wonderful community of women who reflect this.