Summer Reset

So where do I find you right now geographically and also emotionally? Busy working or taking a well deserved break, or a mixture of the two? Hybrid working does allow for more flexibility however it also means less face to face connection. It sometimes also means that there is not enough of a divide between work and home life.

I don’t know about you however I find that it is particularly easy to get pulled into a whole lot of negative ‘comparisonitus’ in the summer months. Scrolling through images of sun kissed bodies on white sandy beaches, while working at your lap top. Meanwhile looking at the rain clouds as they gather outside the window, busy tapping away to meet deadlines.

So my invitation right now, in this moment, is just to take a few minutes to read what I have to say and have a think about where we could go INSTEAD

Would it perhaps be a better use of your time to step away from comparison and all the various emotions this creates and instead take stock. Then if it feels right begin to refocus your energy and attention inwards.

At the end of June I did just that when my husband and I took a holiday to France. We both spent a large percentage of our time reading old fashioned actual paper books. I have ditched my kindle as I missed the smell, touch and most of all the feeling of comfort and familiarity that I get from a book.

One particular book ‘Stolen Focus’ by Johann Hari really resonated with me on many levels.

He talks about reading and how it ‘nourishes’ him, allowing him to set aside time to think more deeply, to leave worrying behind and to really focus.

“narrowing down your attention to one thing, sentence after sentence, page after page”

It is wonderful to have the time to absorb new information, reading a mixture of fiction and fact and to spend time in that wonderful state of focus and flow.

I also try as much as I can to have a digital detox when away and avoid all of the social media platforms, my emails and messages. This is not always easy as the designers of these platforms have created them to be as addictive as possible. However I did manage it 95% of the time that we were away and as a result I felt mentally stronger and so much happier. My focus shifted from outside to inside, from worrying about things I was ‘missing’ or should be doing (or not!) to the things that make me whole and happy. The holiday left me feeling enriched and more fulfilled, having diverted my precious time back to reading instead of spending stolen moments simply scrolling or swiping.

In the book the author talks about the various social media platforms and he says this:

“I like looking at pretty people like everyone else. But to think that life is primarily about these surfaces – getting approval for your six-pack or how you look in a bikini – is a recipe for unhappiness”

What he says about the emotional response is key and this really resonated with me  too: “I like the person I become when I read a lot of books. I dislike the person I become when I spend a lot of time on social media”

Instead to think about what is most important which is human connection: “being friends is about looking into each other’s eyes, doing things together in the world, an endless exchange of gut laughs, bear hugs, joy and grief and dancing”.

I was also reflecting about my friendships while we were away - a dear friend who we had not seen since 2019 came to stay for a few days - it was pure joy. Within minutes we were talking non stop and had picked up from where we left off the last time we were together.

After loosing my amazing dad, these last 18 months have often been about learning to fill the enormous spaces that he has left behind. My friends have been one of the keys to my ‘recovery’. Their love, care and the habit of simply ‘checking in’ with me has been so lovely - when life gets tough – that’s when you really know who has your back. Connection is literally everything.

So back to that process of ‘taking stock’ and refocusing and the all important ‘what next’.

I am now well into the middle of my life – mid life - this is a term that I feel should be seen as a positive one, a (mid) life that can be reimagined, re modelled and re booted, the choice is yours.

Krista from ‘a life in progress’ says this:

“Midlife – we are no longer willing to sacrifice our wellbeing for the comfort of others or for fitting in. We have a better sense of who we are and of our core values; and we have lived through some hard stuff and have developed a core of resilience and perspective”.

So is it time to use this perspective and to take a brief pause and work out what is right for you next? Time to step into the next chapter, to grow and evolve? It is a time for a big change or to simply adapt what you already do? What else do you want to do? What would you like to have happen now?

How do you want to spend your time so that you feel fully charged, nourished and happy? What drains you and what fills you up? What percentage of your time do you spend feeling ‘not enough’ or giving yourself a hard time? What might you need to give yourself permission to do more of? Or are you going to make a promise to yourself to be more positive, to spend more time congratulating yourself for everything that you have achieved to this point?

Change can of course be very challenging, it takes time and patience to form new habits and alter the way that we do things; it is an effort to do it differently. Having a coach can definitely help – I love to have a coaching session myself - as this allows ‘me time’ and space to process a situation. To take a different view and perspective, allowing me to make sense of things, asking myself the key questions. Often as a result end up taking a different path, realigning goals and taking those first steps. If you would like some support then I can help you, here is what one of my previous clients said:

“Helen talks to you in a way that is never preaching and is able to laugh and empathize with you on the challenges of real life! She is open, never judgmental and realistic about supporting you to achieve your goals- never telling you what they should be – just giving you a nudge and advice on how to make those small changes that will make you feel better” Debbie Daly

If you would like to take some time away from everything, to have space and to re focus then I would love you to join us on our September retreat. We have a couple of places left and you can read all about what is on offer here.

So if nothing else I hope that as a result of taking a few minutes to read this blog you might feel inspired to dig out a book. To find some space and loose yourself for a while. Switching your focus and taking the time to consider where you want to go next and how your going to get there.

If you need some help , support and cheerleading then I am here for you too.